Twitter is a big place, and there are plenty of real people out there with 140 characters worth of interesting things to say. But there seem to be far more fictional figures out there with even more interesting and amusing commentaries than the ones limited by mere reality. Here are a few of the very best that Twitter has to offer. If you aren’t following them yet, you should be.
[highlight-blue]@drtobiasfunke[/highlight-blue]
This struggling/aspiring actor, adamant non-homosexual, never-nude, Analrapist (licensed analyst and therapist), and amateur gymnast is always good for a few witty comments and awkward innuendos.
[highlight-blue]@KFuckingP[/highlight-blue]
Kenny Powers is a legendary MLB pitcher (arguably the greatest player to ever live) who is currently taking a break from playing while rehabbing (his nose) and preparing for his big comeback to greatness.
[highlight-blue]@RealLizLemon[/highlight-blue]
Awkward, workaholic, sexually frustrated, excessively sarcastic TV executive with a penchant for irony and self-loathing: makes for a great twitter feed.
[highlight-blue]@CaptJamesKirk[/highlight-blue]
Captain Kirk is the apparently extremely sexually active Captain of the Enterprise––a very busy man who is always zipping around the cosmos with his fly down and getting into exciting adventures. Yet he somehow manages to make the time to still be a dedicated Tweeter.
[highlight-blue]@CobraCommander[/highlight-blue]
Who knew that the supreme leader of the Cobra terrorist organization, the archenemy of GI Joe, was so human? Sure, he may be an epic murderous villain, but he still enjoys an after-work cocktail and a good joke like the rest of us.
[highlight-blue]@StewieGriffin[/highlight-blue]
This diabolical, diaper-wearing infant genius may deeply resent his mother’s ineptitude and have an unhealthy obsession with complete world domination, but he sure can express himself well in 140 characters or less.
[highlight-blue]@jackbauer[/highlight-blue]
This adrenaline-pumping, fearless, unshakeable counter-terrorism government agent spends 24-hours a day fighting to protect innocent American lifes. That job also apparently includes saving them from boredom with his humorous and ironic tweets.
[highlight-blue]@Nick_Nolte[/highlight-blue]
Poor Nick has fallen on hard times lately, and he needs to vent his emotions and daily hopes and dreams to someone. Luckily for him, there is Twitter. Do the guy a favor and follow him (just not too close: you might catch something).
[highlight-blue]@ericasfish[/highlight-blue]
Erica’s fish has trouble being stuck in a suffocating and cramped bowl all day long. He has big dreams and big ideas, and he just wants to be heard. Is that so much to ask?
[highlight-blue]@gusthefox[/highlight-blue]
Gus is an uncouth, foul-mouthed, hyper-violent woodland creature who likes to keep the world abreast on his daily activities, which include murdering hens and sexually abusing snails. He also enjoys something of a celebrity status (it seems much of the common public is fascinated by violence and debauchery these days—I blame video games) and has given interviews for ShortList Magazine and written posts for TimeOut’s blog. Not bad for a fox.
[highlight-blue]@darthvader[/highlight-blue]
Luke’s evil father¬¬––hell bent on conquering the forces of good in the universe and spreading darkness across the cosmos––is also a fairly entertaining tweeter. Who would have thought?
[highlight-blue]@TheGambon[/highlight-blue]
This famous Irish actor is not content with merely staring in movies. He also wants the masses to hear his insightful commentary on world events and daily nonsense. I, for one, am willing to listen.
[highlight-blue]@BPGlobalPR[/highlight-blue]
The PR department at BP Global certainly has its work cut out for it after the recent Gulf spill ruined thousands of lives and destroyed one of the world’s most precious ecosystems. They seem to be doing an admirable job though.
[highlight-blue]@tracy_jordan[/highlight-blue]
Tracy hasn’t been taking his meds lately, and so he has been extremely opinionated and delusional these last few…years. Check out his twitter to hear his latest insane rantings.
[highlight-blue]@Edgar_Allan_Poe[/highlight-blue]
He likes to drink, he likes morbid things, he is often moody, he is a tortured literary genius, and he tweets. Enough said.
Well, that does it for the roundup of the world’s most fascinating fictional tweeters. They say that the truth is often stranger than fiction, but in my experience, anyway, it certainly doesn’t seem funnier.
